Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

We reached another milestone on Monday with the completion of our Biometrics Appointment.  In case you are wondering, that is the exact same thing as the local fingerprints they took a few months ago but it involved taking off work, driving to Memphis and paying about 5 times more.  But I digress.

We are expecting Immigration approval sometime next week and we will be ready to get everything together and send to Uganda! Yay!

Except...we talked to our stateside representative yesterday and he did not have a lot of good news.  First, we had been assuming that we had been approved by the orphanage (I guess that is the "no news is good news" syndrome).  In actuality...they haven't even LOOKED at our paperwork yet.  I cannot fault them.  I know they have far more important things to do, like caring for over 90 children.  But I still felt a little disappointment, mostly because we have rushed so much to get everything in and this is something we have NO control over.

He also told us the news that I am struggling the most with.  At this point, there are no children that are adoption eligible to be referred to waiting families.  So, even when we get approval, there will not be a child to refer.  He has been honest with us from the beginning, so this shouldn't have been a big surprise but the sadness I feel is still there.

I have to admit that I have struggled with this a bit since hearing the news.  I tend to live a bit inside my head (very typical for introverted souls like me) so I have this ongoing dialogue and argument taking place all the time.  On one hand, I feel so sad and angry at the fact that extreme poverty has thrown so many millions of children into this very situation...in orphanages because their families cannot afford to care for them and yet no possibility of being placed in a loving family because they are not a true orphan.  I know this is not the fault of anyone in particular, but it is the source of great frustration for me.  I would not want to take a child out of the country if they have any chance of ever being reunited with their families, and yet my heart breaks at the vicious cycle they are thrown into because of the rampant poverty.

On the other hand, our representative told us to join him in praying that more available children could be identified and brought to the orphanage so that they could begin referring them for adoption.  As of yet, I just have not been able to pray that prayer.  In my mind, I am sure that there are children out there that could be adopted...and I want to do that.  I want to bring our little girl home.  And yet, the thought of praying for that feels wrong.  The truth is...I don't want another child to be without a family.  I don't want another child who will always live with the grief and loss and knowledge that they are an orphan.  As unreasonable as it is, I cannot make myself pray in that way.  Yet, I know those children are out there.  So I wonder...where is my little girl?  Is she suffering somewhere right now?  Does she have enough food and is there anyone around that is loving on her?  I have always imagined her in the safety and comfort of Good Shepherd's Fold.  I have imagined her learning about Jesus and being told she is special.  And now, I know that, right now...she isn't there.  Has she already experienced the grief of losing a parent, or is that sorrow yet to come?  I desperately want her to be identified and brought to the orphanage so we can bring her home...but at what cost to her?   Aaaaaagh!  This is the way my mind has gone today.

I wonder, are we doing the right thing?  Have we spent all this money and time for the right reason, or would we have been doing more if we found a way to give money to those 90 children who cannot be adopted?  I just don't know.  So, today, I am not celebrating a milestone as much as trying to figure out how to pray and where we go from here.

It probably does not help that Chris is out of town and we cannot communicate in any way until he comes home on Sunday...that is why the bloggy world gets to see the craziness of my thoughts that I usually reserve for him.

So, how can you pray...clearly, I am not sure.  I guess for God's direction and for his hand to be on the people of Uganda and on the children of Good Shepherd's Fold; that children who are adoption eligible would be identified so that they could be placed in loving families; that children who are not adoption eligible would be given opportunities like being place in places like Good Shepherd's Fold where they will still be loved and cared for and told about a loving savior; that people would come alongside these families and they could find ways out of the poverty that permeates the country so that their families could be reunited; and that I would not have a nervous breakdown before Chris returns on Sunday!  :)

Love you all!

A Quick Update

Hi, all!  Thought we'd share a quick update of where we are along this journey.  We haven't really had any real news to share since we mailed our I-600A form to USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services).  The I-600A is the Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition.  I know, what?  In a nutshell, it's a process by which the U.S. government determines whether we, as prospective adoptive parents, are qualified to continue with the international adoption process.  Our application was delivered on March 19 and we received our Biometrics appointments about two weeks ago.  So, on Monday, April 23, Star and I will travel to the Homeland Security Office in Memphis to do our Biometrics, a fancy way to say that we'll do another round of fingerprints.  Once that's complete, we'll await our USCIS approval.  Then it'll be time to put our dossier together and send it to a land far away.  So there you have it, our journey continues.


We continue to covet your prayers.  Some specific ways that you can pray for us are:
1. Pray for our precious little girl wherever she is in Uganda.  Pray for her safety and good health.  Also, pray that she'll be loved unconditionally by her caretakers.
2. Pray for our upcoming biometrics and USCIS approval.
3. Pray for us as we prepare our dossier.
4. Pray for our fundraising.  We are close but not there yet.  Airfare is very expensive so pray that we'll raise the additional funds to cover that cost as well.
5. Finally, pray for our friends at Good Shepherd's Fold, the children, missionaries, and staff. 


Finally, we'd like to take this time to give a big shout out to some of our special friends who have given unselfishly to our adoption.  You know who you are.  We are humbled by your graciousness.  Know that you are an incredible blessing.  More importantly know that this little girl will forever be a part of your family also.  And to the ladies of the Angels group at Cherry Ridge Baptist Church in Bastrop, LA, your willingness to sell "lots" of paper bead necklaces was unexpected.  We cannot thank you enough.  You too are a blessing and we can't wait to share our little girl with you.  Please know that you have also helped the women of the Kyangwali Refugee Settlement to provide a sustainable income for their families.


In closing, I wanted to share a picture with you.  A simple picture but one that has such great significance to our family because...this is where our heart is.